A Year of Poetry by Amanda Paweska


DEMONS
Troubled mind
demons
locked inside
searching
for a method
of release
Troubled life
demons
lurking all around
begging
for a way
to be free
Troubled heart
demons
gnawing away
desperate
for a chance
to heal


DREAMS
dark thoughts
mixed with
bright desires
unexpressed wants
come to
the light
secret lives
existing only
under the cover
drifting in
and out of
the world of sleep
escaping
the truths
of the day
answers found
in the unconscious bliss
of the
middle of the night


EMOTIONLESS
need to cry
but the emotions
are all dried up
heart gone numb
but the chest
constricts all the same
no tears flow
to soften the hardening features
whole body suffocating
on the inability
to express and let go
choking on the
dry stinging
self-doubting
in the emotionless
response to the present
Is that part
Now dead?
leaving the cold,
useless shell


ESCAPISM
Drift out –
Finding
a new place,
creating
a world of replace.
No harsh voices.
No confining spaces.
Freedom achieved
by blocking out,
ignoring the
buzz and blur.
Enjoying
the false reality,
relishing
the role of divinity.
Time for selfish attention.
Time for inner reflection.
Leaving it all
behind, still it
manages to
draw me back.
Seeping in of dark.
Noise and vision attack.
Destroying
the world of replace,
losing
my new place.
- Drift in.


FOOLISH GIRL
Foolish girl
Emotions
In the mix
Feelings
Just for him
Falling
yet again
Losing
The game
Hurting
Over again
Breaking
Into pieces
Crashing
To the floor
Foolish girl
For believing
He could
Care


GODDESS OF THE MOMENT
their lips
and hands
worshipping
her body
every eye
transfixed
on the
mesmerising form
secret desires
pledged
by husked whispers
in her
waiting ears
each one
paying homage
to the Goddess
of the moment
exchanging fantasies
for their
faithful service
to me
at this
moment


HIS PAST
he's chained
to the
past
held back
from his
future
passing up
salvation
for his captor
from before
grasping
for a chance
to be
pulled free
reaching
for the hand
she extends
the heart
she opens
his past
holding him
back


I CAN
I can
be loved
If given
a chance
Open for
your affection
I can
trust you
If reason
is given
Ready for
your words
I can
be happy
If time
is allowed
Starting
to heal
I can
survive
If you
will stay


MORE THAN FRIENDS
Desire to be
more than friends
But you speak
of her
as I
think of you
I listen
for meaning
in conversations
of sharing
My eagerness
to listen
stemmed from
my eagerness
to be with you
Simple gestures
mean more affection
than you know
Being the shoulder
you use
but not the hand
you hold
Destined to be
no more than friends


ONE LINK
Dependable piece
holding
them together
Always needed
without recognition
Pulled between
them
Each a different
direction
but toward
the same centre
Always expected
to be there
and secure
One link
in a chain
Sides not taken
Fear of
a broken bond
Pulling them
together
Re-establishing
the connection
There to
welcome them
support them
Without
they fall
apart
One link
of a friendship


OUT GROW
out growing my muse
from years gone past
always believed
the influence would last

tries to renter
but stays above
my heart
no longer able
to penetrate

no feelings attached
to words
drifting through
leaving no meaning behind

new insight
beliefs renewed
and freedom to feel
Out grown you


PALE GODDESS
Pale goddess
hair of
spun gold
heart of
pure emotion
She cries
for him
Her one?
Her only?
He is
lost
to her
He has
left her
Her pure heart
hardens
Her gold hair
tarnishes
Her paleness
clouds


RE-ENTERING OF THE MUSE
New images
New views
Brought in by
A used up muse
New direction
New thoughts
Awakened by
His once wanted words
New works
New lines
Together formed by
The re-entering of the muse


SAVE ME
The stars
Have turned
To stone
Falling
Farther down
Save me
From the dark
Running scared
Along familiar
Streets
Lost again
In my
Own life
Save me
From fading
Trembling
In the rain
Searching
For the
Light
Save me
From the cold
Pray
That you
Come soon
Hope
We will
Meet again
Save me
From myself


SERVING PURPOSE
ritual sacrifice
of my heart
in the name
of duty fulfilled
Lending of my ear
to stroke
your wayward soul
Working of my lips
to nurture
your weakened heart
Giving of my body
to save
your wandering mind
Taking of my strength
to rebuild
your broken being
served my purpose
unknown to you
now
I am gone


SILENCE
Fear of
Silence
That’s when
The voices
Speak
Their dark sound
Fill
My head
Repeating
The villainous
Call
The stillness
Sets them
Free
Roaming
Through my head
Infesting
My very
Being
Their presence
Destroying me
Fill the
Silence


STARS CRASHING DOWN
when
the stars
come crashing
down
the world
fell to
pieces
their lives
shattered
at their feet
lovers
forced apart
being pulled
in separate
directions
hearts
ripped away
partners lost
forced
to flee
the light
stolen
from a
shared life
the stars
came crashing
down
around them


TRAPPED
trapped
in my head
dark thoughts
and scary
images
make me fear
speaking out
the walls
capture me
closing me in

trapped
in my room
raging fears
and crippling
pains
terrify me
against leaving
the walls
hold me
protect me

trapped
in my life
abusive voices
and harsh
words
prevent me
from altering
the walls
break me
crush me


VIVID FLASHES
vague recollections
of callused hands
along soft flesh
awakening the sensual side
and husky whispers
breathing past ears
vowing un-kept promises

unable to recover
the tangy scent
standing behind me
that intoxicated the senses
can no longer feel
the warm weight
arms resting across shoulders
illusion of security

pure memories
of the torment
and emotional pain
scars freshly opened
vivid flashes
of what really was


WHY WRITE?
pen gliding
on paper
smooth lines
travelling along
like hands
caressing skin
mind twisting
around words
echo whispers
leaving lover’s lips
foreplay of diction
to find the fit
mirrors the beginning
of formal fumbling
search for
the perfect lines
matching the reach
of exhilarating climax
spill of ink
fills the pages


WORTH SAVING?
Sweet taste
On your lips
Soft touches
In your skin
Worth reaching
Out to
Shoulder there
For you
Warm body
Next to you
Worth calling
Out to
Body trembling
Under you
Tears falling
For you
Am I
Worth saving
To you?


YOU MAKE ME
you make me
feel like
a whore
cheapening
my pure emotions
with your
carnal wants
making me
something on the side
exploiting
how I feel for you
by claiming
you now want me
breaking me
down to nothing
But I
want you
have always
wanted you
will go on
wanting you
and this is
making me
your willing
whore


UNTITLED
Drawn
to you
for my
salvation
the saving
of my soul
finding purpose
in your
being
safety
in your
touch
In your eyes
I recover
my redemption
Enticed
by your
power
over me
the dominance
of my heart
maintaining control
with your
being
manipulating
with your
touch