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medication

Dealing with medications has been the scariest part of this journey. A close family member spent a fair amount of time in psychiatric wards and my memories of his times there and the effects of the early anti-psychotics on him kept me from ever wanting to take medication or consulting a physician. Fear of medication was also a part of the OCD, so the anxiety inherent in that would complicate matters more.

It took a long time, a lot of research and several doctors until I was resolved to take the medications. When I did, I started with a mood stabilizer, Lithium. This really would not have been the medication of choice for depression and OCD. It would be more appropriate for someone with clear bipolar inclinations. but I had been seeing an insightful psychiatrist who realized that my fear of medication was overwhelming. One day, I read an article about how early research into lithium having some healthful benefits to the brain. I also knew that it seemed the most "natural" medication as it is basically a salt. Thankfully, I experienced some noticeable changes in mood on the Lithium and this was very encouraging. It also may indicate that there was some bipolarity in my depression and given there is a history of biplolar in my family, it may have been a safeguard of some sorts for me. But the lithium did not resolve my anxiety and so with lots of research and discussion, my doctor added Effexor, which, in combination with the Lithium, made a real huge difference for me.

does it work?

I have been fortunate in that I have not had a lot of side effects and the benefits from the medication have been really noticable and quite reliable.

Once the meds started to work for me, I felt like I had walked into a completely new world. For the first time in my life since my early teens, I felt what it was like to be free of depression, obsession and anxiety and it felt miraculous!

At first, it was a big adjustment because I was used to struggling against constant fatigue. Because I no longer had to struggle against this obstacle, I found myself feeling more forceful, having developed the "muscle" to keep myself moving against the constant waves of exhaustion. At first, it seemed that I didn't know my own strength. I had to learn to dial it back a bit.

I also found that I literally came to my senses. I felt like I came out from under a blanket and suddenly could really feel the breeze on my skin, enjoy the smells and tastes of life and the beautiful blue of the sky.

Over time, my anxiety-ladened habits began to dissipate. The hand-washing and checking reduced and was less and less worried about all the germs and possible disasters that could happen.

side effects

But at the same time, there were some challenges to be faced: Mainly, that the medication affected my sleep patterns. While Effexor can be sedating for some people, it can be stimulating for others. Lithium is generally considered more sedating. For me, both these medications were stimulating. Even though I took my doses of these in the morning, I still had significant trouble sleeping. In order to handle this, I needed to balance the effects of these medications and therefore took some medication for sleep as well. While I'm not always pleased with this because I'd rather have a sleep pattern that doesn't require medication, I am more than willing to accept this situation in light of the great benefits I have derived. Certainly, it is possible that if I tried other anti-depressants/mood stabilizers, I might come upon a combination that is less stimulating. But my response to these drugs have been so great, I'd rather not mess with success. So for the time being, I have my daytime meds and my nightime meds. My mood, anxiety and sleep are regulated and I am able to handle life in ways I never could have imagined.

For each person, dosage and kind of medication will differ. I myself seem to respond to rather low doses of meds and I know people who require much higher doses to get the same results. The key is to be patient and let the meds do their job in order to ascertain whether they are the right ones and at the right dosage for you.

A crucial part of my journey with meds has been the the role of my physicians. I have great confidence in my doctors because they have showed me that they respect my opinions and would never force any form of treatment on me. I feel like we can work together as a team to solve any problems that might arise and that they will respect my needs and choices as long as they are not seen as being harmful. In turn, I consult their expertise and knowledge so as to make more informed decisions.

It took a long time for me to decide that medications would be a right choice for me and I'm glad I waited for the right doctor to come along with whom I could make that decision.

I would caution people against going with a physician that seems too eager to put their patient on medications before making sure that there aren't other modes of treatment that could assist them. I think that we still live in a society that over-medicates when other solutions would be more effective in the long-run. However, that being said, when medications are the solution of choice, I would definately suggest that you educate yourself about what the drugs are and what they do as well as what side-effects they can cause. There are many sites online where patient share information about their experiences of medications. One of my favourites is www.remedyfind.com.

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