meditation

When I was about twelve years old, the gym teacher at my elementary school decided to hold some lunchtime yoga classes for students who wanted them. I was one of about fourteen people to attend this class and it changed my life.

At the end of each class, we would do some form of relaxation technique, either lying on our mats and imagining we were floating on clouds or staring at a candle or closing our eyes and watching our breathing.

It was after such a class that I experienced for the first time a true sense of peace and inner harmony. I remember sitting outside in the schoolyard after the yoga class and thinking to myself that this was how it felt to be well and be happy. From that day on, meditation was a part of my life.

There are so many ways to meditate: Mantra, visualization, breathing techniques, music, washing dishes...there are so many ways to allow the mind to flow. There are many great resources out there regarding meditation, I highly recommend that if you are interested, you check some out.

The foundation of my meditative practice is basic mindfulness meditation, which consists of sitting and observing the natural flow of my breathing. I also include awareness of my senses so that I allow awareness of the sights, sounds and body sensations in a moment to moment flow. But it is the breath that is the foundation and guiding principle that I return to again and again.

I also have done many meditations that use visualization. This can be very helpful for managing stress. For instance, imagining walking on a beautiful beach, letting in images of the blue water and white sand; the warm sun and fresh breeze that relax and rejuvenate.

Meditation practice can offer many gifts: Mental clarity, peace, centeredness, insight, self-awareness, increased intuition and others. The greatest gift meditation has offered me is to know that I am not defined by my thoughts - that I am a lot more than my thoughts. This is something to be experienced.

But meditating with a mental illness is not easy. Having intrusive thoughts break a moment of stillness or chronic self-hating memory distortions are not easy to sit with. Some people encourage meditators to learn to sit and breath with those kinds of thoughts and that can be a very fruitful and liberating experience. At the same time, I noticed that my meditative experiences really began to deepen and strengthen very meaningfully when I was able to understand the nature of my depression and anxiety disorders and sought treatment.

Knowing what my vulnerabilities are can prevent meditation becoming a kind of self-punishment where I can feel like a failure because I cannot feel peaceful enough or am horrified and exhausted by what is in my mind. Using meditation as a tool rather than as a weapon is knowing when my mental health is good and when it is not and gauging the length and kind of meditative practice I do accordingly.

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