Latest Reviews: Mon, May 26 2003 - 4:05 PM by: Lunchbox

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Get on board for the Sushi Train (sorry, couldn’t resist that catch phrase)… Saturday, June 21 2003 - 1:09 AM by: Lil Vinnie

So you walk into this place and it gets some huge points for being just the right temperature. It was hot outside and when you walk into a room, you don’t want to be chilled--just comforted. And I’ll have to say that I really enjoyed the décor of the restaurant; it was about as authentic as a bar/sushi place can be. Really nice.

For the record, she was among the prettiest girls that I have seen in the last little while. She was mixed, half Asian and half white. Cute smile, great voice, and lovely eyes. Plus she offered really great service, and not only because she was hot. This is crucial for the survival of a restaurant and she was definitely there doing an excellent job.

The menu is very simple. Just check off whatever it is that you think that you can handle. And don’t ever be a chicken when you are at Sushi Train; everything is at least interesting to taste and the prices are pretty darn good. Lunchbox and I (along with a friend of ours) tried about 8-10 different kinds of sushi (which is about 35-40 pieces), drinks along with a nice tip for $34. It was great.

So anyway, back to the details… the girl that actually made our sushi was hands-down gorgeous. I am in love with the hiring policy at this establishment. And to top things off, the manager (who also was making our meal) was the sweetest lady in the world.

Now keep in mind that I’m a big fan of sushi and when it comes to food, I’ll eat just about anything. Lunchbox, as you would assume, will also eat everything under the sun but is a little pickier when it comes to the texture of the food in his mouth. For example, I thought that the California rolls with the fish eggs on the outside were “fun and tasty”, were he thought that it was “awkward and too creepy feeling”. I’ll admit that the first time that I put a piece of raw tuna into my mouth (besides that one girl--ha ha dirty joke) I was a little hesitant and almost grossed out by the texture, but in the end it was pretty good. If you like tuna.

My mother (whom NONE of my friends have a chance with so GIVE IT UP), has always taught me that aesthetics are everything. You can “wow” a guest at dinner time with horrible tasting food but still be alright if it is presented well. Sushi, like all Japanese cuisine, is truly a work of art, I think. Our order was no exception to this. It was almost too nice for me to touch--of course in the end I went against that and dug in.

Honestly, sushi is something that everyone in the world has to try. You don’t have to have something with raw fish in it, but it really heightens the experience and it’s something that you can say that you did. Like skydiving, or the easy girl in the 11th grade, or kayaking, or seeing the ocean. I have been to a couple of different sushi places, Edohi is one of them which is really good as well. I’ve tried Masa, and even made my own a couple times. Sushi Train is just nicer, it’s a more comfortable atmosphere (you won’t feel out of place or anything like that) and it’s friendly.

Pizza Hut… the best damn buffet scheme under one roof Monday, June 16 2003 - 2:54 PM by: Lil Vinnie

Pizza Hut has the greatest strategy when it comes to making money on a buffet. You might think that it has something to do with a kind of food that fills you up really fast. And sure, that is part of the grand scheme…

I really enjoy eating at Pizza Hut; they have the best pizza. Yes it is greasier than anything on the face of the planet, but every once in a while, we need that grease to flush us out (and for the record, Lunchbox was flushed out in a record 10 minutes after he finished eating… he takes more dumps than a dialysis patient). The buffet as you would imagine, consists of pizza, salad (both with lettuce and a la pasta), breadsticks, that really good baked fusilli dish that they serve, and to top things off, a little dessert pizza. I know, it’s nice. With a refillable drink this runs at $11 after tax. I know, it’s nicer.

So our waitress is hot. Well not hot, but after a couple beers she’d be smoking. So she is bound to bring in some tips for the team at Pizza Hut, especially with Lawerence there (Note to all waitresses: this man will tip you his weight in gold).

Here is the kicker. This is the sure fire tactic for buffet serving restaurant owners. Get out a pen and paper because the quickest way to make money is a disgustingly ugly assistant manager that stands in front of you while you eat. I’m sure that she was contemplating eating the four of us once we fattened ourselves up enough at her buffet. It (and I use the word “it” loosely) was the kind of ugly that you had to keep looking at because you didn’t quite believe it the first time. Or the second time. That must be the secret. After a couple of uncontrollable glances, you’ve lost your appetite. You’ve been to the buffet table once and you can’t go back because you’re nauseous from looking at the hideous mass behind the cash register. I know, it’s a great plan.

And speaking of not being able to stop looking (this is where you find out the kind of guy that Boucher is) there was this 13 year old girl that he couldn’t stop eye humping the whole time we were there. Sure maybe she was really 16 and I’m exaggerating a tad, and fine I’ll admit that if she had nicer guns she’d have held up the place but it was really throwing off the buffet game. That and the fact that he kept going back for salad. But do not think ill of Boucher; in two years he’ll be shagging the brains out of her and you won’t. He will also be 25.

By the time Boucher was finished eye-tit-humping the 8 year old War-amp, finished drinking the waitress into table dances and Lunchbox had stop trying to take the assistant manager to be his “caddie” for our later round of golf, we had our fill of pizza and such (and salad) and were on our way.

For a rating… well I’ll try to be fair here and take everything into consideration without being prejudice towards certain un-food related happenings (totally unrelated, our friend TIM HOLFELD likes to frequent Happenings Night Club). The pizza gets a solid 6 points, and the rest of the food adds another 2. So far we are at 8 points. The most I can give is 10... That little orphan homeless girl DID have a nice set of cha cha’s so I’ll add another point there but minus 3 for the number of years she needed to age for us to “meet” her. As far as the service went, it was good seeing as little miss “Three Beer” was the only one working so that’s a positive 2. Now I’m no math expert but this much I do know; a certain co-worker of mine is damn hot and she happened to walk in with her fine self so that’s a plus 72. But shit son, that manager was U-G-L-Y, so that’s a minus 7465462485187 leaving us with a grand total of -7465462485107. This Pizza Hut place was good, but let’s face it, these numbers speak for themselves.

The Round Table, can I get some salt with that? Friday, June 6 2003 - 8:00 PM by: Lunchbox

Hit up the Round table for their cheap wing night(Tuesday), and made the mistake of ordering the Salt&Pepper wings, normally this is a good choice, normally the Salt&Pepper wings are a solid choice. However I was proven wrong this time, these wings had more salt on each one then you normally get in a full pound. Leaving me to tap the salt of each wing on the plate before I could take my first bite. I'm still going to head back to the Round table next week to check it out again, don't get me wrong, I'm just going to have a different type of wing, maybe the BBQ, from what I hear they are covered in BullsEye sauce.

The Environment has to be one of the most relaxed that I have been to in a while, couches, pool tables, a total pub atmosphere. Too bad the waitress wasn't a hottie but what can you do....

The Daly Burger Monday, June 2 2003 - 11:54 AM by: Lil Vinnie

Screw Burger King and send Ronald a pink slip. Let every burger joint in the city (save Burger Factory--I hear they “send for” anyone who bad mouths them) know that the long time tradition of trying to cause heart failure at lunch time is back. And they are king of the hill.

It was like the first time you had a whopper. Except the food was actually made from real meat that you see. The patty of ground beef is placed on the grill and you see it flattened out in front of you. Outstanding.

“Would you like a massage followed by a blowjob and a cold beer?” the gorgeous cashier asked. Okay, well that’s what I could have sworn that she said. It was more on the lines of, “Everything on the burger?” The misunderstanding was because she asked after I had paid, and she had the bun ready to be toasted ever so lightly.

Anyway, before Debbie does Daly Burger… I had the cheeseburger fries and gravy and when you ask for a bite to eat at this place, make sure that you come hungry. This was a great sum of food. The order of fries and gravy came in one of those Styrofoam containers. The gravy, as God and Lunchbox are my witnesses, was killing me softly with its song. So thick and so delicious, it was nothing but artery clog. Beef flavoured artery clog drenching my French fries… Did anyone else get a really gay vibe from that last bit there? Not that there is anything wrong with being gay. I’m not, so don’t worry ladies (I have never loved you more than this moment, sweetheart).

Anyway I should probably give this thing a rating. I feel this article was well written with excellent grammar. I enjoyed the informative angle mixed with the humour and the mention of Styrofoam. All articles should reference Styrofoam. Great work again, Vinnie. Keep it up!!

-vinnie out