We met a Friday in October, in the beginning of the first really cold month. September had been surprisingly, but pleasantly warm and I remember feeling slightly startled when I stepped outside that day and felt cold, having to zip up my jacket for the first time in many months. It was a few hours past noon and I had just finished at the office, deciding to go home early after having worked late for weeks. But as I stepped outside, I didn´t feel like driving home to an empty apartment and somehow found myself walking away from the parking lot, down the street.
At that time, I pretended I didn´t know where I was going, but of course, deep inside, I knew exactly where I was heading. I had walked past the place many times, never daring to go inside, both out of fear what might happen or, I suppose, what might not happen. What compelled me to go inside that particular day, I´ll never know, but I´ll always be grateful that I did. Otherwise, I wouldn´t have met her.
The Stage was a small, cosy cafe/bar and in spite of not having any stage at all, or any other place to perform, if one doesn´t count the bar as a stage for various performances, it´s a nice place with friendly and relaxed people. Gay people to be exact, both sexes. Straight people go there too with their gay friends or just to drink the Stage´s famous coffees, but the main clientele is gay men and women looking for a place to relax and be themselves without having to worry about being hit on if not interested. That was one of the reasons I dared to go in there, I wasn´t sure how I´d react if anybody tried to pick me up, and to be honest, I wasn´t sure how I´d react if nobody tried either. In spite of my twenty-seven years, I had little experience with, as it was in this case, the same sex. I´d had a few fumbling encounters during college, but fear had always held me back, either fear of being found out or fear of being hurt. It had been a couple of years since I´d been with a woman, not that I´d been living a chaste life ever since college, far from it, I´d my share of men, but as people in my situation probably know, it hadn´t quite been the same, hadn´t quite been enough. Sure, they were sweet and gentle, perfect gentlemen, intelligent and funny, and I cared for them, a lot, but I was never in love. So it was with a feeling of both excitement and nervousness, I opened the door to the Stage and went inside.
When you walk inside the Stage, the bar is to the left, together with a huge mirror going all the way from one end to the another, thus ensuing that the various patrons at the tables to the right in the room, never have to worry about not being able to see themselves for a second. The mirror is probably the only thing I don´t like about the place, since it makes me feel rather self-conscious being able to see myself constantly, drinking or eating. People tell me I´m pretty, some even say beautiful and when I´m feeling good and self-confident, I know that I´m not bad looking, but that doesn´t mean you feel that way in general. It´s sufficient to say that I don´t, or didn´t. She changed that. Looking into her eyes, seeing the adoration and love has helped me think more of myself, and one day, I might even see myself the way she does.
While we´re at it, I suppose, I might as well tell you how I look, to get it over with so to speak. I´ve short blond hair, green eyes and a pale complexion that during the summer stubbornly refuses to tan and insists on taking on a shade of red instead, no matter how much sunblock I splash on my skin. My built is slender and feminine and my height is about 5.3-5.4 depending on my shoes. As most short people, I´ve always wanted to be taller, but since wishing things don´t necessarily make them happen, I´ve resigned myself to my fate and try to take pleasure in the fact that I never have to duck when entering places.
The Stage was relatively deserted, I had entered between the two busiest periods, after lunch and before the pre-dinner crowd arrived, so I had no trouble getting to the bar where the friendly, but professional bartender supplied me with the club soda I asked for. She gave me a little smile and for a moment, I feared she was going to ask what a nice girl like me was doing in a place like this, but she didn´t and just resumed polishing glass like she didn´t have a care in the world. Feeling way too exposed sitting alone at the bar, I turned around and eyed the tables before me. Three were occupied with both men and women talking amiably with each other, laughing and gesturing loudly. Two other tables were occupied with a gay couple from each sex and around the last occupied table sat three women who, in spite of it only being around 3pm, had several empty bottles and glasses in front of them and judging from the laughter, it wasn´t just lemonade they´d been drinking.
I made my way past the taken tables and sat down at the corner table, slightly away from the rest, providing me with a clear view of the entire place. Low, non-distinct music started to flow from the speakers in the corners as I sat and fiddled with my glass, wondering what the hell I was doing there and how soon I could get up and leave without being too conspicuous.
I´d just finished my drink and was about to get up when, in the periphery of my vision, I saw the door open and a figure step inside. I know, I´m probably not the most objective person in this case, but to this day I swear that all talk faded and all eyes followed her as she casually strode over to the bar and sat down on one of the chairs. The bartender, who´d managed to pull her attention away from her polishing, approached the new customer with something resembling a predatory grin, not bothering to hide her frank appraisal of the stranger´s body.
"Hey, gorgeous. What can I serve you with?" The remark was followed by an even wider grin and I found myself getting irritated on behalf of the newcomer, but she didn´t seem to mind or care and just smiled briefly in return.
"I´ll have a gin and tonic, a double, please."
"Coming right up," the bartender spoke with considerable more enthusiasm than when she received my order, but I can´t say that I blamed her. The stranger was gorgeous. It was a simple as that. Short, pitch black hair stopping just short of her shoulders and a tanned, almost bronze skin which I in that instant was ready to kill for. She was wearing a grey shirt tucked into khaki trousers, a black leather jacket and black leather shoes. When she turned her head slightly to study the area behind her, I couldn´t help but notice the prominent cheekbones and the casual grace in which she moved, but these thoughts perished the moment I was caught up in the most intense, blue eyes I´d ever seen. I felt my heart skip a beat and parted my lips as if to say something, but in that same instant the moment was over and she returned her attention to the bartender who´d just brought her the drink.
For a moment I just sat there, feeling my heart pound furiously in my chest, my mouth suddenly dry. The stranger at the bar seemed oblivious to the several pairs of eyes at her back as she sipped her drink and pulled out a paperback from her left pocket and started to read. I strained to see the title, but was unable to, partly because my attention kept drifting back to her eyes, wanting her to look at me again and partly because, one of the women from the table closest to me, the one with all the bottles, chose that moment to approach the stranger, effectively obstructing my view of the black-haired woman.
Not woman, girl, my mind instantly corrected. She can hardly be more than twenty, she´s almost achild, for Christ´s sake. Get a grip.
But another part of my mind refused to pay any attention to the first, as I desperately tried to follow the conversation at the bar without appearing like I was. I saw the woman casually, (casually, yeah right!) put her hand on the girl´s arm, just above the elbow and lean forward as if saying something very important only meant for the two of them to hear. I saw the blue gaze focus on the hand on her arm, then slowly return to the arm´s owner. I could swear her eyes darkened just a little before she shook her head and said something to the other woman, something I of course wasn´t able to hear, no matter how much I wanted to.
The woman spoke again and I was tempted to shout, "Move away from her! Can´t you see she´s not interested!" But of course, I didn´t and thus saved myself a lot of embarrassment, although when I told her about it later, she smiled and said she´d wish I´d done just that. But back then, I could only sit paralysed on my chair and watch the exchange at the bar, feeling strangely powerless and helpless, like something was being taken away from me, something that was meant for me and me alone.
I let out a sigh of relief as the woman finally relented and returned to her table with a small shrug, but just as my heart rate returned to normal, I saw to my dismay one of the woman´s friends rise from the table and walk towards the bar, her intent clearly written in her eyes. I knew it was silly, but I felt rather homicidal at that moment and although I tried to pretend, I was just upset on behalf of the girl, I knew it wasn´t true. The woman, a brunette, seductively sat down beside the stranger and leaned forward whispering something. The black-haired girl who´d resumed her reading after her first pursuer left, looked up again, casually studying the reclining woman next to her. I held my breath, terrified that I would see just the slightest spark of interest in the blue eyes, but nothing appeared and the friendly, but distanced look remained. As the brunette leaned even closer, practically whispering into an ear, of which God would have been proud to have created, I saw the girl sigh and gesture at the book momentarily lying on the bar beside her, then smile and shake her head.
The brunette sat back a little, then smiled herself and patted the leather clad shoulder gently and walked back to her table. As she passed me, I´m sure I heard her say, "that one couldn´t blame a girl for trying." I had just started to relax again and was about to pick up on my close study of the stranger when, to my great annoyance, I saw the third woman at the table make a move to stand up. To this day, I don´t know what went through my head, but suddenly I found myself walking away from my table, practically cutting in in front of the other woman, before sitting down on the chair beside the girl. My heart was pounding furiously again and I didn´t dare look to my left and instead stared at the mirror, seeing a slightly flushed and nervous looking woman stare right back at me.
I threw a glance at the reflection of the women at the table behind me and was shocked when the woman I´d just outrun, raised her glass in silent recognition, an amused smile playing on her lips. I immediately looked away, down at the smooth wood of the bar and a few seconds went by before I dared to look up again and into the mirror. My gaze darted to the left and the girl chose that moment to look up and our eyes met in the mirror. It was a strange feeling watching her in the mirror, knowing she was within arm´s reach, but I still wasn´t brave enough to turn around to face her. All too soon it was over. She gave me a pleasant smile, one you would give any stranger, and resumed her reading. Something inside me screamed that it was now or never and with courage, I till then didn´t know I possessed, I turned around.
"It must be a very captivating book since you prefer it to the company of not one, but two beautiful women."
Immediately after the sentence had left my mouth I was horrified that I´d had the nerve to say that, but also strangely proud. I´d never been very good at small-talk or pick-up lines and although I at that moment, wished I was anywhere but there, I felt it wasn´t the worst attempt I could have made. The girl looked up, her blue eyes unreadable. Without a word, she slipped in a bookmark and showed me the cover.
"Keats," she spoke softly and I felt a shiver run down my back from the low, smooth tone of her voice. "Selected poems."
I gathered myself, deciding that since I´d made it this far, I might as well try to move on from there. If I screwed up, I could always excuse myself and run.
"Do you always bring poetry with you?" I asked, hoping it sounded casual, yet interested.
She gave me a crooked smile which I later learned was a trademark of hers,"Nah, I just like to show off in bars."
I felt a smile emerge on my lips and she smiled again in return before reaching for her drink. When she noticed it was empty, she gestured for the bartender who instantly materialised in front of her, another wide smile on her face.
"Yes, gorgeous? What can I do for you?"
The girl ignored the endearment and just pointed at her glass, "I´ll have another one of these." She looked at me questioningly and I realized she was waiting for me to voice my order.
"Uh, I´ll have…" I suddenly didn´t want to order another club soda, but then I felt silly. I was a grown woman and shouldn´t let others dictate what I drank, so I just smiled and said, "I´ll have a club soda, please."
The bartender nodded and walked away to get our drinks. I looked back at the girl and noticed she was looking at me curiously, but the moment our eyes met, the expression was replaced by the now familiar friendly, but distanced look. We sat in silence until the bartender returned with our drinks, and the black-haired girl raised her glass in a silent toast and took a few healthy gulps before putting the glass back down.
She watched me take a sip or two from of the water and as I looked into her eyes, I noticed a slightly mischievous twinkle appear, "Thanks for rescuing me," she whispered conspiratorially and I must have looked as confused as I felt because she indicated the table behind us with her head. "From them…" She smiled and I couldn´t stop myself from returning it. "I didn´t think people still did that."
"Did what?"
"Rescued maidens in distress," she smirked and took another gulp from the glass.
"Oh, you´re hardly a maiden and you were hardly in distress," I heard myself say and instantly felt myself blush. The girl had the grace not to notice and looked away for a few seconds.
"Nah, guess you got a point there," she then drawled and looked back at me again, "but it´s nice nonetheless."
I didn´t know what to say so I did the only think I could think of; I smiled and she returned it gradually and I couldn´t help but notice how the smile lit up her face, making her features even more striking. We sat together in a comfortable silence, sipping our drinks. I was desperately trying to think of something clever or just remotely interesting to say whereas she looked like she was far, far away, the blue eyes even more distant than before.
"What´s your name?"
Okay, it might not be clever, but at least it´s a natural thing to ask and she didn´t seem to mind as her gaze slowly focused on my face again.
"Teresa, people call me Terri."
She raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Oh, my name´s Sarah, people call me…Sarah."
She chuckled quietly, "Nice to meet you, Sarah."
"Likewise," I replied instinctively and I saw her smile briefly while finishing her drink. She pushed the glass away and rummaged through the pockets in her trousers and pulled out various notes and coins. She picked one and tossed it on the bar before taking her book and putting it back into her jacket. Suddenly I felt desperate. She was about to leave and if I didn´t do anything, I would most likely never see her again and for some reason that thought terrified me more than the thought that I might embarrass myself completely in front of her.
"What are you doing tonight?"
I was surprised by my bluntness, but not ashamed. At least if it didn´t work, I could say I gave it my best shot, that I tried. The blue eyes contemplated me for a long time and I felt both warm and cold under the close scrutiny.
"Well…" She spoke slowly, clearly still making up her mind as she went. "I had something planned, but nothing that can´t wait till later. Why? Do you have anything in mind?"
And there it was. The opportunity for me to retreat and pull back with some kind of polite excuse and hurry home with my dignity more or less still intact, or I could continue this game I´d instigated myself and ask a total stranger, a girl who I´d known for less than an hour out for a date. I didn´t have to think twice.
"I thought we could… I don´t know, perhaps do something…together…"
As the blue eyes continued to stare at me, I felt my confidence melt, but I was unable to look away.
She bit her lip thoughtfully. "I was thinking about going to the planetarium tonight, catch a show or something, you know, one of the omnimax films. You can come if you want to."
Her voice was casual and her posture relaxed and maybe it was just in imagination, but I was sure, I heard her hold her breath, waiting.
"I´d like that," I said. "I haven´t been to the planetarium for years."
"It´s a good place, they show some great films. I like it when they make it seem like you´re flying…it´s a nice feeling."
As I looked into her eyes, I knew exactly what she meant.
"What time?"
"Uh…" She reached inside her leather jacket and pulled out a brochure. "The one, I wanted to see starts at 9 p.m.. It´s about Egypt. Is that okay with you?"
I wasn´t sure whether she meant the time or the film, but I couldn´t care less."That´s fine." I paused, feeling strangely brave again. "We could meet a quarter to nine outside the planetarium?"
"Sure," she shrugged. "I´ll be there."
She started to rise, but I reached out and put a hand on her arm, "Perhaps, I should get your phone number, just in case something comes up. I don´t want you to wait for me in vain."
By now, the careful, self-conscious and suburban part of my mind had thrown in the towel and wasn´t the least shocked by this audacity. Apparently, Terri wasn´t either as she just smiled another one of those crooked smiles.
"Well, we wouldn´t want that, would we?"
She took a napkin from the bar and looked around for something to write with. I took a pen from my shirt pocket and handed it to her. She studied it closely, "Sarah Marie Kingston, Bachelor of Laws," she read slowly before scribbling down her number. "Nice."
I smiled, suddenly feeling self-conscious again. "It was a graduation present from my father. He´s a lawyer too."
She nodded and handed me back the pen together with the napkin, "You´ll probably get my answering machine if you call, but just speak anyway and wait a little. Sometimes, I just don´t feel like talking to people."
I wondered if that meant that she would pick up if she heard it was me, but I was finally running out of bravado and decided to keep that one to myself. She stood up, but instead of leaving, studied me again with those beautiful blue eyes of hers.
"Perhaps…" She spoke slowly, "Perhaps, I should get your number too, you know, just in case."
I couldn´t keep the smile from my face as I took another napkin and wrote down my number. She looked at the number for a brief moment as if memorizing it, then she looked back at me.
"See you tonight then."
"Yes, see you."
Without saying another word, she turned and walked out of the bar and I couldn´t help but stare after the lean, graceful body even long after Terri had disappeared out of my sight.